Confessions

I was tagged and I'm bored

5 things you might have not known about me:


1. I dislike Finland and most Finnish people, yet I am glad I'm not Irish and proud of some of my Finnish traits.

2. The idea of there not being a superior being/after life makes me happy

3. I use to wear glasses (many many moons ago)

4. Most of my family members are highly spiritual/religious but I am not

5. My father and my doctor were convinced that I had an eating disorder... and HONESTLY I didn't...great excuse for eating more ice cream!

The Truth

This thing was inspired by a competition one of my family members was holding. The task was to write about our great grandmother who would have been hundred years old this month and then other family members would vote for the best.

My input was obviously too unflattering to ever end up on the webpage. But censorship only reaches out to the domains they own…

I’m way too young to remember my great grandmother; in fact I think she passed away several years before I was even thought about. Hence I can only imagine what she was like; put together with the little information I have been told over the years.

My great grandmother was a hardworking and traditional Finnish housewife. On top of her numerous children, she also adopted an orphan ignoring the fact that she was struggling to feed her own, let alone someone else’s kids. She married my great grandfather, who was born blind and remained so for all of his life. These facts seem to suggest that she was a loving and sympathetic woman who extended her love for those who had nothing.

While she probably kept the family together with a padded version of an iron fist, not much can be said about the people who were supposed to continue her legacy. If she was ever to return to see how we were getting on, she would be utterly appalled.

While most people have managed to break out from poverty and the constant worry over money, few have found themselves carrying on any of her sympathy. The large family she left behind and which kept extending long after she had passed away has disintegrated.

“What do you mean?” I hear the loudest crying out now. And yes, I am dying to give you some very cruel details of people doing horrible things to others in this family but I will most likely be excommunicated. I too am as greedy and soulless that I want to keep that very weak thread around our petty family, for my inheritance sake.

But without going into TOO much detail I can point out the things that are laid right before your eyes. For years, one of the oldest members of this family has been completely ignored. This seems to be due to a certain problem she has. Her direct family can’t seem to put up with her behaviour. Fair enough. However if they had bothered to investigate this matter a little closer, they would have found that her problems are directly linked to loneliness and the fact that no one seems to go over and visit.

These people who quietly judge her behaviour have in the mean time extended their “give hassle and I’m gone”-attitude to their children. With few exceptions, we find ourselves looking at people who have literally abandoned their offspring due failed marriages and teenage trouble. Some of these people have moved on and accepted that their parents have emotionally discontinued the relationship; some have crept through the darkest holes and fortunately found some new people to rely on.

There will be a time when we all get old and when everyone else has passed away. It is then when the spark for reviving these broken strings comes back to life. And that is when you find that you are the despised, lonely and troubled person you had ignored for most of your adult life. And believe me, no one is coming to save you.

No News for Now

Selected friends can check out the Toast coverage. Apart from that it's nada

Not solo

Things have really not been good lately. Certain people have made my life very unbearable and just when I think everything is sorted, it all falls apart.

Thanks so much for listening last night even if I was hysterical, over-dramatic and completely out of control of my head. It really helped to know that I'm not completely screwed and on my own with all this. I'll not forget this.

Promises

Nothing pisses me off more than people who constantly make false promises.

The ultimate #1 though are the ones who make promises and then later claim the discussion never took place, leaving me in tricky situations.

I foolishly relied on a promise and didn't do X. Now it seems that I have imagined this conversation and due to time issues cannot do X which would have saved my ass in this case.

Unfortunately for these people, I ALWAYS have a plan B.

You fuck my shit up, I'll fuck yours right back, asswipe

Your shit never changes

It is kind of amusing that you still find the time and motivation to bullshit about me. What makes it desperate is the fact that no one seems to believe you, or they come straight up to me to reveal all your nonsense.

You probably don't remember but this is quite what I predicted back then. Remember when I said you'd still be your old sad self, seeking for any attention you can get. I nearly feel sorry for you, you're so pathetic.

I also know you have been reading this site for a while now. I find it quite weird that you spend so much time on it to be honest. But unlike you I have nothing to hide, you however should learn how to read properly before you go around telling shit to people.

I heard you were bitter due to my unwillingness to waste my time on you. I heard your "analysis" of why things went the way they did. People must be sick of hearing about me at this stage.

Please tell your people I don't really care to hear what crap your spreading around this time. I told mine not to bother with you long ago.

Today last year

A year ago I started to realise what a horrible mistake I had made. Stupidly it took me another couple of months to solve it all.

A year ago I was happy I had a friend who didn't give a shit when they were all against me (miss you, come back)

A year ago it was sunny and I was having a good time.

A year ago I received proof that I was right about something in the past and relieved I made the right decision.

A year ago I met you for the first time.